Wednesday, May 6, 2010

Ok so it is 5:27 AM and Levi just left for PT.. I have been up all night watching youtube videos on how to deal with deployments and about being an Army Wife. Yes, I have already went through one deployment with Levi but I am honestly scared to go through another one. I am fully aware I will be able to get through this but I just don't want this deployment to end up like the last one did. We argued soo much and that wasn't good for either of us. I was depressed everyday, all day long and he could tell. It seemed like I did everything in my power to make him happy and surprise him and it just seemed like he never really liked the things I did. (I know he did, he just has a strange way of showing it) Then on top of all the stress from the deployment, a miscarriage, being newly weds and everything else my daddy passed away which changed me a great deal. I love my husband so much and would die for him but there is alot that he doesn't understand about me and I don't believe he will ever understand. He knows what it is like to be a US Soldier, not how hard it is to be the one left behind. No, I don't want to talk to him about this because I am scared I may "piss him off" or have him worried about me 24/7 while he is deployed and neither of us need that. So from now on the is just going to be where I go when I need to get things off my chest and probably when he gets home from this upcoming deployment or maybe even during the deployment I will give him the information to read my blogs.. Until next time.. BYE